Vladimir Vasilevich Kovalenok became a cosmonaut just so he could leave Belarus.

The excitement was palpable in the Brooklyn offices of Afflictor.com when we checked the traffic stats and realized that Wednesday was the magical day that we had our first visitor from the flat, landlocked nation of Belarus. The culture-free neighbor of Latvia, Belarus decided to become a sovereign nation in 1999, and no one cared enough to stop it. The country has long been governed by a burly man with a mustache named Alexander Lukashenko. It’s not that he’s so great; it’s just that no one else wants the job. Land of pork stew and wheat vodka, Belarus’ major export is heavy machinery. So thanks for all the tractors, Belarus, and welcome to Afflictor Nation!