There's finally a way to resemble Gregg Jefferies, circa 1990.

I gleaned these spectacular, completely ridiculous items last spring a block from where I live. How could my neighbors tire of such gems? It’s hard to fathom.

In 1990, Gallery Books put out four volumes of paper masks that looked like famous baseball players. Each of the quartet of books represents a different theme: Big Hitters, Gold Glovers, Power Pitchers and Hot Rookies. I gleaned the latter two editions.

The paper masks in Power Pitchers are of Nolan Ryan, Doc Gooden, Roger Clemens and Orel Hersheiser. Hot Rookies include: Gregg Jefferies, Ken Griffey Jr., Jim Abbott and Jerome Walton. Griffey is the only one still playing.

Sure, you're handsome, but now you can be Jerome Walton handsome.

The masks are very odd; you have to punch out the eyes and nose to put them on. It doesn’t seem that they were aimed at Halloween costume shoppers but rather just at strange nine-year-olds who wanted to resemble Chicago Cub Jerome Walton. You know Gallery Books doubted the intelligence of their customers since they included the helpful warning: “Do not wear masks while playing baseball.”

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