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Michele Bachmann: A dictionary might help.

Michele Bachmann: The American people aren’t going to take this lying down.

Decoder: Except for the sick ones who don’t have health insurance. They probably won’t be well enough to sit up or stand.

Michele Bachmann: We are not the indentured servants of Pelosi, Reid or Obama.

Decoder: I’m going to look up “indentured servant” in the dictionary later. I may not be using that correctly.

Michele Bachmann: They are spending us into a bondage we can never dig our way out of.

Decoder: Bondage is a type of restraint. It doesn’t really have anything to do with being buried. But perhaps we could use the sharp end of the shovel to break the locks on the bondage thingy.

Michele Bachmann: No Republican in the House or Senate will vote for this. Now it’s down to one-party rule.

Decoder: Actually, it’s still a two-party rule even if the two parties vote differently. In that case, the party with the most votes prevails. They represent the majority of Americans. While it’s unfortunate that there’s such a stark ideological split, such a divide doesn’t constitute a one-party rule.

Michele Bachmann: You wait until 2012. This is a one-term President.

Decoder: Scary wackos like me, Palin and Beck will make a calm, studious person like Obama look really inviting again.

Michele Bachmann: They took over Chrysler. They took over GM. They’re running these companies into the ground.

Decoder: Those companies were already in the ground.

Michele Bachmann: Then they gave 3,400 decent, viable car dealerships across the country pink slips.

Decoder: Many, many more jobs would have been lost if the government hadn’t taken over Chrysler and GM and those companies had gone bust.

Michele Bachmann: I think we need IQ tests before these people go to Washington.

Decoder: But not for me. I’m busy that day.

Michele Bachmann: The government is not working for us.

Decoder: I define “us” as a small group of resentment-filled white people with a shaky grasp of history who want to blame someone else for their jackass lives. Instead the government is working for the non-screeching majority.

Michele Bachmann: This is dictatorial what they are doing.

Decoder: When I look up “indentured servant” in the dictionary, I’m going to look up “dictator” as well.

Michele Bachmann: This bill could be the stone that ends up sinking this country forever into a sea of debt.

Decoder: It will drown the skeletons of our pastry chefs. It will drink the blood of our midwives. It will disembowel our crossing guards. Wow, I am an adult who sees everything in absolute black and white, just like a child–a really stupid child.

Read other Decoders.