Give me my gold medal or I will shear my gorgeous shoulder-length tresses in protest. (Image courtesy of David W. Carmichael.)

We welcomed Russia to Afflictor Nation last month, when one of their citizens visited our stupid site for unknown reasons, and now another Russian has graced our URL. Vladimir Putin and his young ward, Dmitry Medvedev, have obviously lost their iron grip on their people, as comrades everywhere are whiling away their time reading our inane comedy and profane commentary. Perhaps Putin was distracted by Russian figure skater Evgeni Plushenko’s controversial second-place finish at the Olympics. Funny thing is, Putin doesn’t seem particularly distracted by his country’s disappearing journalists. Regardless: Welcome again to Afflictor.com, Mother Russia!