Penn Jillette

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Donald Trump: Stretching the truth and his belt.

Donald Trump, who once lost an argument to a soda machine, is neither bright nor honest. We know that he misuses words to suit his own needs. Recently he tweeted about Penn Jillette and used the word “begged.”


Donald J. Trump ‏@realDonaldTrump

I let @pennjillette come back on the record 13th season of ‘All Star’@CelebApprentice after he relentlessly begged me to–good t.v.


The actual conversation.


"Penn, I need you to be on "Celebrity Apprentice" again this year."

“Penn, I need you to be on Celebrity Apprentice again this year.”

"I'm going to be busy that month spraying my genitals with mace."

“I wish I could, but I’m going to be busy that month spraying my genitals with mace.”

"It's going to be a big season. You'll be competing against Phyllis Diller's bones and the bassist from Quiet Riot."."

“It’s going to be a big season. You’ll be competing against Phyllis Diller’s bones and the bassist from Quiet Riot.”

"But my blind penis won't be able to see any of it."

“But my blind penis won’t be able to see any of it.”

"If you agree to be on the show, I'll introduce you to some of the women from my beauty pageants."

“If you agree to be on the show, I’ll introduce you to some of the women from my beauty pageants.”

"But I'm married.."

“But I’m married with children.”

"Your point being?"

“Your point being?”

"Listen, your show is horrendous and you're horrendous, but I've got a book to sell, so okay."

“Listen, your show is horrendous and you’re horrendous, but I’ve got a new book to sell, so okay.”

"Stop begging, Penn."

“Stop begging, Penn.”

Buy Penn Jillette’s Everyday Is An Atheist Holiday at Amazon and all fine booksellers.

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Penn Jillette: A juggler or something.

I’m always overjoyed whenever I see Penn Jillette, but I soon realize that Andre the Giant has not, in fact, been reincarnated, and I return to sitting shiva.

Penn has written a new book, Every Day Is An Atheist Holiday!, which is being published to coincide with the anniversary of the bombing of Pearl Harbor. This time he’s named names. Considering what a high-powered show-biz career Penn’s had, you know it’s going to be juicy. The following questions are sure, at last, to be answered: Which, if any, of the Flying Karamazov Brothers have had gonorrhea? Does Brother Theodore smell like cabbage or does cabbage smell like Brother Theodore? Is it true Al Goldstein broke his hip while falling off of Gloria Leonard at the Ben-Gurion Retirement Center? Wow, and that’s just the beginning! Randomly open this book to any page, begin reading and you’ll quickly suspect it was that quiet fuck Teller who had all the brilliant ideas.

Penn also spills about his faux TV boss, Donald Trump, a bigoted, orange-headed buffoon who hasn’t been told the truth about himself very often. Apparently, Trump is upset that some blogs repeatedly ridicule him. From the New York Daily News:

The magician calls Trump’s boardroom behavior “free-form rants in front of a captive audience,” where the billionaire would whine “about articles written about him and defend himself against charges made, as far as I could tell, by random bloggers with a few hundred hits. Attacks that could have no impact on his life at all. It sounded like this cat was Googling himself, being bugged by what was written, and then defending himself to people who were trying to improve their careers by playing a TV game with him.”•

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