Decoder: Sarah Palin And Bill O’Reilly Discuss The National Day Of Prayer Controversy

May 11, 2010 in Humor, Politics | Permalink

Sarah Palin: "Unalienable" right to be loud and stupid. (Image by Tricia Ward.)

Sarah Palin: You can just go to the early documents of our Founding Fathers and see how they crafted a Declaration of Independence and the Constitution. They knew our unalienable rights don’t come from man, they come from God.

Decoder: Perhaps if I had actually read these documents, I would know that it’s “inalienable” rights.

Sarah Palin: I think we should just kind of keep this clean, keep it simple. It’s pretty simple.

Decoder: I’m pretty simple.

Sarah Palin: Go back to what our Founders and founding documents meant–they’re quite clear we would create law based on the God of the bible and the Ten Commandments.

Decoder: God must have thought that slavery should be legal and women shouldn’t have the vote. Or maybe those documents were drawn up not by God but by really smart but really fallible men.

Sarah Palin: I have said all along that America is based on Judeo-Christian beliefs.

Decoder: Certainly the Founding Fathers who had Judeo-Christian beliefs were informed by them, but they didn’t think this was a country specifically designed for people with any particular religious beliefs. And the Founders were pretty aware of the dangers of blurring the lines between church and state.

Sarah Palin: It’s ironic that here on National Day of Prayer, there is so much controversy about whether or not we’re a nation built on Judeo-Christian beliefs and whether or not we can even talk about God in the public square.

Deocder: I mostly use the public square to mock community organizers who try to help the poorest people and give them hope. Jesus would have crotch-punched these losers.

Bill O'Reilly: Screamed God's name a lot during phone sex.

Bill O’Reilly: On the National Day of Prayer, you can pray to a tree.

Decoder: God is completely okay with my phone sex habit.

Sarah Palin: Well that new kind of world view that I think is a kind of step toward the fundamental transformation in America that some want to see today it is an attempt to rewrite and revisit history.

Decoder: Like when I tried to rewrite history and claim that I opposed the Bridge to Nowhere project in Alaska.

Bill O’Reilly: America has transformed a great deal since 1776 and it’s a much more secular society.

Decoder: That woman who sued me for sexual harrassment said that I bragged about owning a vibrator shaped like a cock.

Sarah Palin: Margaret Thatcher and other foreign leaders think that America is so great and exceptional because we base our laws on God of the Bible, the Old and the New Testament.

Decoder: If I had read the Declaration of Independence, I would know that America doesn’t have to try to impress the British. Also: Making laws based on the Bible would lead to huge amounts of bloodshed and suffering.

Bill O’Reilly: We can only trust in God in our own homes, but we once we got outside, we can’t.

Decoder:  I have a hands-free device so I can talk and masturbate at the same time.

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