This week, before fleeing that rat trap of a White House for a long vacation after accomplishing nothing, Donald Trump had one final phone call to make.

Listen, Presidente Nieto, we’re going to pretend Mexico will pay for the wall because New Hampshire is a pisshole full of inbred crackheads. They drink their own bathwater and gargle with cat vomit.

You’ve accidentally called Chipotle again, Mr. President.

Well, will you pretend to pay for the wall?

No, we sell burritos and tacos.

Send over some grub fast. The White House cooks don’t wash their hands after using the can. Lincoln died from food poisoning. Not too many people know that.

I alienate everyone and my life will end in utter disgrace.

• A few thoughts on John Lanchester’s LRB article about Facebook.

• Trump is utilizing Fox News as a state-sponsored propaganda outlet.

• Ruth May details how Russian oligarch money has spread throughout the GOP.

• As the US recuses itself from the global stage, China’s increasingly militaristic

• Chauncey DeVega interviewed Tom Nichols about Trump, expertise, etc.

• Laurie Penny wonders if automation will force us to reconsider masculinity.

• A new CRISPR breakthrough has been likened to a moon-landing moment.

• Lawrence Klepp pushes back at Yuval Harari’s vision of a post-human society.

• Christopher Wareham considers the wealth inequality of life-extending science.

• William Gibson analyzes our seemingly endless dystopian fantasies.

• The exorcism business is on the rise in France. Why?

• In 1973, 16-year-old cult leader Maharaj Ji vowed to create a techno-paradise.

• In the ’60s and ’70s, Leo Litwak reported on Rolfing, hypnodramas and est.

• Old Print Article: Vidkun Quisling faces the firing squad. (1945)

• Old Print Article: Bat Masterson dies an ink-stained wretch. (1921)

• Two brief notes about the widow Houdini conducting séances.

• This week’s Afflictor keyphrase searches: vegan extraterrestrials, Liz Smith.