“Cat has commenced peeing somewhere (????) in the bathroom.”

Piss couch $2 (cat included) – $2 (bushwick)

FOR SALE: one couch from urban outfitters, arms removeable (as shown in pic, no couch arms, threw them away in early morning rage), grey/beige, drenched in dried cat urine, pullout bed with storage underneath cushions, some staining with thin layer of oxiclean petfresh carpet deodorizer applied drunkenly every 2-3 days.

Previous owners left us this couch with some basic liquid stains. Covered it with a sheet, no problem, until cat felt comfortable enough to begin urination starting on left side and moving slowly to the right, always finding a new spot forcing us to 1) in the beginning sit only on right side and then 2) create a make shift couch on the floor using v chic leopard print blanket/bed pillows. Used v large amounts of natures miracle URINE DESTROYER until it became apparent that $30 every week was unsustainable $, then sort of allowed couch to become temporary litter box until got shit together. Inadvertently rewarded cat for frequent, inappropriate urination with small amounts of deli turkey (cat LOVES deli turkey) because of cat cute-ness, cat went insane. peed when no turkey was available when cat woke up from nap (7 nap a day). Couch worsened, commence treatment of arm and hammers stain remover. Owner of couch (me) went insane, threatened to urinate on couch as well, did NOT urinate on couch (no human urine on couch, seriously) instead withdrew steady supply of deli turkey to Banjo (the cat) as punishment, covered couch in fresh deodorizing powder. Cat will no longer walk on the couch because powder is not pleasing to his paws, has commenced peeing somewhere (????) in the bathroom, source currently unlocated, but strong smell of urine pervasive throughout, candles have been lit and v much wine has been poured, tears been shed. Looking to unload couch and cat on open-minded individual interested in owning disgusting, smelly couch and needy, cute, evil terror cat (loves to cuddle!!!).

Asking price is $2, but open to negotiation (accept bottles of wine, a shoulder to cry on) as couch and cat are probably unsavable.

“Loves to cuddle!!!”