‘Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house…

…Not a job creator was stirring…

…Not even a spouse…

…Spouse…

…Spouse…

…Miss Ohio’s stockings were hung by the chimney with care…

…In hopes that St. Dickalaus soon would be there…

…On Dancer…

…On Cancer…

…On Urine…

…On Vixen…

…You disqualify any President who’s…

…darker than Nixon…

…Another year of treating women to insults and jeers…

…Approving only of those who bought their knockers at Sears…

…But it’s really not funny, the racism…

…And sexism, unending…

…While all you care about is whether you’re trending…

…So, for all the vitriol you spill and poison you spend…

…I hope you get stuck in the chimney…

…You and your big, fat rear end.

God bless us all, everyone. Regardless of what religion you are. Because, you know, they’re all complete bullshit. But apparently some of you were raised like animals and have to be frightened into behaving even a little, so we still have to pretend there’s a supreme being. And then quite a few of you, for fucksake, even use your faith, which is supposed to make you better, in the name of bigotry and violence. Jackasses. Well, at the very least, try to not murder anyone today, okay? Happy Holidays, Afflictor readers!