Recently Posted On NYC’s Craigslist

"Hillbillies rule!"

Still Lovin’ New York?!?

Just returned from a trip back to get the rest of my possessions and what do I find?

Nothing has changed for the better. And it’s going to get worse. Thank God I’m never coming back!

More shootings at the beach, riots in a hospital, still you have crappy streets, corrupt politicians, crime, lazy ass people on welfare…you name it.

Now you might think I don’t have any concerns where I am. And pretty much I don’t. We don’t want you here and hope you never come. I have acclimated myself very well and now most people here don’t know that once I was a New Yorker. Now I am a country boy and proud of it.

You may think we are backwards, but let me tell you a few things. Employment here is on the rise. 200 new jobs last month alone. People work here and don’t sit on their lazy asses. We make things work for us. No one is starving here. Everyone has a home. We are doing just fine. I won’t bore you with the great fishing and the camping. You just wouldn’t understand the joy of it anyway.

So hope that you survive the summer. I just love it that I can go anywhere and not worry about locking my doors, having my car stolen, not getting the finger every 5 minutes while driving, breathing clean fresh air, and the beauty of nature all around me. I have no complaints at all.

Do you?

Phillipsburg, Missouri

P.S. Hey, you can try to bring me down with nasty comments, but I laugh at you for being so stupid for complaining while still living in the [sic] best city of the world. Hillbillies rule!