Glenn Beck: It's Murray Sunshine who threatens our very way of life. (Image by Gage Skidmore.)

He may be controversial, but you have to give that fat-necked scumbag Glenn Beck some credit. While the necrophiliacs in our so-called government are busy spending tax dollars on flag-burning fluid and members of the liberal media are having gay orgies on gunboats, Beck has singlehandedly uncovered one of the most dastardly socialist threats our country has seen in decades. And the most stunning news of all is that menace is present on our own land.

After tireless research on the computer in his office during a coffee break, Beck spent half of a recent episode of his Fox News show outing 92-year-old New York City resident Murray Sunshine as a dangerous radical on par with Osama bin Laden and the Taliban. Sunshine, a retired upholsterer who for decades did volunteer work as a community organizer, is apparently determined to destroy our sacred ideals.

“This Murray guy is a one-man Al-Qaeda, but the liberal elite doesn’t report it.” Beck said. “He’s the kind of dangerous operative leading the Obama Administration around on a leash. He is now infiltrating the government as he has previously infiltrated the education and legal systems. He is a threat to our once-great nation, which already needed to have its honor restored.”

Murray Sunshine: I met Gus Hall once. He wasn't as tall as you might think.

For his part, Sunshine isn’t denying the charges that he’s a card-carrying member of the Socialist Party, even taking out his wallet and showing the card to representatives of the media who gathered outside his Bensonhurst apartment.

“Oh sure, I’m a socialist,” Sunshine said with a smile, an evil socialist smile. “I have been forever. I still like to sit in the diner and read my Weekly Worker. And I have several buttons with slogans about laborers uniting.”

For many years, Sunshine registered voters in poor communities, trying to allow them a representative voice in their government, probably pleasing Castro to no end. He also worked in soup kitchens, gave out free turkeys at Thanksgiving and was active in maintaining a neighborhood public garden. Sometimes he would attempt to converse with recent Dominican immigrants in Spanish Harlem about Karl Marx and they would look at him funny.

It began to rain and as the reporters dispersed, Sunshine offered them an umbrella and bus fare, just the way Stalin taught him to.

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