Decoder: Sarah Palin’s Comments During April

April 17, 2010 in Humor, Politics | Permalink

Intelligence at historically low levels. (Photo by Tricia Ward.)

Sarah Palin: Is this what their “change” is all about? I want to tell ’em, nah, we’ll keep clinging to our Constitution and our guns and religion.

Decoder: Because Jesus loved guns, especially assault rifles. He would shoot you in the head and use your skin to fashion a rucksack.

Sarah Palin: How’s that hopey, changey stuff working out?

Decoder: Oh, pretty good? You mean you like middle-class tax cuts, health-care reform, stem-cell research, the Lilly Ledbetter Act and a President who can pronounce the word “nuclear”? I didn’t realize those things would be popular.

Sarah Palin: We need to cut taxes so that our families can keep more of what they earn and produce, and our mom-and-pops, then, our small businesses, can reinvest according to our own priorities, and hire more people and let the private sector grow and thrive and prosper.

Decoder: Middle-class tax rates are near historically low levels.

Sarah Palin: Do you love your freedom?

Decoder: The freedom to ignore me. The freedom to realize that incoherent resentment has no purchase on leadership. The freedom to know that I will never, ever be President because I’m wholly unqualified.

Sarah Palin: Now, the President, with all the vast nuclear experience that he acquired as a community organizer, as a part-time senator, and as a full-time candidate, all that experience, still no accomplishment to date with North Korea and Iran.

Decoder: I love making fun of community organizers. Remember when I stood up at the Republican National Convention and ridiculed Obama for being a 22-year-old who dedicated three years of his life to working for Catholic charities? I want to make sure that young people who want to help others will be ashamed of themselves.

Sarah Palin: Don’t retreat, reload!

Decoder: Freud was really wrong about women having penis envy, except when it comes to me.

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